Where is the best area to stay in Madeira?

I collect people from hotels all over this island, so I see the practical side of where you stay: how long the road out takes, whether there is anywhere to eat within walking distance, and whether the last part of the drive is a lane with grass down the middle.

What follows is not a hotel list. I have not stayed in these hotels and I am not going to pretend otherwise. It is a guide to the areas, judged on what they do to your days.

Funchal, for most people, most of the time

Funchal turns up in almost every itinerary I write, and it is not because it is the prettiest place on the island. It is because it is the most practical.

You get the widest choice of places to eat, you can walk to dinner, the airport is a straightforward drive, and every day trip starts closer. Within Funchal, the old town suits people who want to walk out of the door into something, and the Lido side suits people who want a pool and a sea view and do not mind a short taxi into town.

Camara de Lobos and Canico, the near alternatives

Both are close enough to Funchal that you keep the convenience while getting somewhere quieter and cheaper. Camara de Lobos is a working fishing harbour, the one Churchill painted, and it has real evening life rather than a resort version of it. Canico sits between the airport and the city and is calmer again.

These two plus Funchal are the areas where my pickup is included, which tells you something about how central they are in practice.

The west and south-west: Ponta do Sol, Calheta, Jardim do Mar

Sunnier, slower, and genuinely lovely. Calheta has a sandy beach, which is rare here. Jardim do Mar is one of the most charming villages on the island.

The trade is time. From here, the east of the island is a long morning, and if you want to do sunrise at Pico do Arieiro you are starting very early indeed. Choose this side if you are staying a week and want a base to relax in, not if you have three days and a list.

The north: Sao Vicente, Porto Moniz, Seixal

The north is the dramatic half of the island, the green wet side with the cliffs and the natural pools. Waking up there is a different experience from waking up in Funchal.

It is also the wetter half, the evenings are quiet, and choice at dinner is limited. I would send a returning visitor here happily. For a first trip, it is a lot of driving to see the parts most people came for.

Where not to stay

Nowhere is a mistake exactly, but two things catch people out.

The first is booking somewhere remote for the views without checking the last two kilometres of road. Some of them are steep, narrow and unlit, and you will drive them tired at the end of every day.

The second is booking outside Funchal without a car. Buses run between towns, but they run for people who live here, and they will decide your day for you.

So, the short version

First trip, three or four days, no strong preference: Funchal. Second trip, or a longer stay, or you want quiet: the west if you want sun, the north if you want drama. Tell me your dates and where you are considering and I will tell you honestly how the drives will work out.